My Little Ava has Arrived :-)

After 15 minutes of pushing my little Ava Maria Bui arrived at 2:37pm!

Ok, so before I delivered her into this world I wasn’t at all connected with her from being pregnant. Some women I know have such a bond before their little one arrives. I just didn’t feel it. Don’t get me wrong I was super excited! I mean…I’m going to have a BABY! It just never hit me when I was pregnant and to be honest it still hasn’t really hit me and it’s been 15 days. After she popped out everything seemed so surreal and kind of a blur. I was in so much pain from recovery that it was really difficult for me to bond with my daughter. I much rather go through the contractions and labor again before I ever go through the recovery. I tore on bottom and on top, and even though my doctor told me it wasn’t that bad of a tear I don’t know if I completely believe her. Peeing with a squirt bottle sucked! It burned so bad that I became terrified to pee! But I had to because if I so much as sneezed I’d pee myself which is not a good look. Oh, and the hemorrhoids!  What the hell happened down there!? I feel like the day I gave birth I also had a funeral for my vagina! Like, ok, she’s retired now. I was taking vagina selfies from the day I gave birth til now. I will say, don’t do that the first day! You might be scarred for life and feel like your sex life is completely over! Because looking at your vagina the day after you give birth is just…not what you want to see. Trust ME!

Here comes the lactation nurse to help Ava latch on to my nipples. Here’s the thing, how can something so small and cute with no teeth hurt you soooo bad! I want to breast feed because obviously it’s the best for your baby and luckily I had milk, but she sucked so hard and pinched my nipples so bad that they bled and cracked. I tried, I really did! I just couldn’t bring myself to breastfeed. It was excruciatingly painful for me. So now I just strictly pump which is another full time job in itself! But it’s all so worth it 🙂

I seriously grow more in love with that little face everyday! I may not have bonded with her the day I had her, but who’s to say what I’m suppose to feel!? Now, I can’t imagine life without her 🙂 She’s perfect and best part is…she’s mine!

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